Porno and the Lonely Bed Component I

Since 2002, I have been healing individuals who possibly suffer from many types of sex addiction/compulsion or the people who are intimately affiliated with them. I have been working closely with those with what is referred to as “sexual anorexia”, a term broadly describing individuals who aren’t interested in sex… at least with a real person. At times I’ve patients in which the two behaviors flip-flop; no interest or maybe revulsion at the idea of sex of any style accompanied by a binge of exercise until despair, financial troubles, or exhaustion overwhelm the individual, and another cycle of sexual anorexia ensues. But whichever form I notice, there are going to be major concerns in their intimate relationship… if they’re able to remain in one at all.

In this particular article I will focus on one relationship type that I see all all too often in the office of mine. It consists of a man who, early in the partnership, was to have a lusty attraction towards his partner. With time, beyond the natural “cooling off” of romantic passion, the man gradually or perhaps not so gradually loses his desire for her. In spite of all the efforts of her, acting and dressing seductively, talks, counseling, gaining or losing weight, Botox, breast implants, more talks, fights, crying, pleading, ridiculing, leaving (and coming back), very little if anything changes.

Except one thing.

Porn.

Today, this’s not necessarily true and there are many physical and psychological reasons this could possibly be happening. However in the practice of mine I would hazard a guess that aproximatelly 80 % of the couples that aren’t having sex because the male is just not interested report that he still admits or even gets caught viewing pornography and masturbates effectively to orgasm. And it is not often since he does not find her appealing, just not erotic. And they aren’t watching the porn with the partner of theirs, it’s a private affair.


Nearly every guy that “prefers” pornography over sex with their partner says they do it as it is much easier, doesn’t have expectations, has range, less dangerous than seeing a prostitute, it is private, usually doesn’t cost you anything, “gets the job done fast”, and enables them to fantasize unreservedly. I may be missing some reasons but the key themes are that it is private and requires minimal effort. And almost all report having seen porn from more than the teen years of theirs, when social experiences are so crucial. There appears to be an even greater dependency on pornography in men and women who are already struggling with shyness and awkwardness in the youth of theirs.

anon top

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *